Saturday, 25 October 2014

I suppose I'm a grappler

I owe the topic of this post to my good friend Trev.

We were catching up for a drink a few weeks ago. Or maybe it was a few months ago - you know how time can slip away from you, and let's face it I don't get out much.

Anyway, we were having a chat about the general state of the universe - as you do. Talking about the struggles some of us have trying to make sense of all the crazy things around us, while others just seem to roll along, not really caring one way or another. And he came up with what I thought was the most wonderful title.

He called me a grappler.

I know, it probably doesn't exactly roll of the tongue. But it did make me smile, and in a funny sort of way, it felt kind of appropriate.

I just can't help grappling with the world I find myself in. It doesn't make any sense to me, and I find that terribly frustrating. I'm constantly trying to grab the world in my own two hands, and wrestle with it until I can get it tied down.

Of course, I never succeed. It's just that sort of world that we live in. But I can never let myself stop, even though I know the whole thing is nothing more than a mug's game. Though it drives me close to insane at times, still I'll continue to grapple with the world. I reckon that when they lay me down in the ground, I'll be grappling away inside my coffin.

Did I say above that it drives me close to insane. I guess there's probably one reason why it hasn't sent me the whole way, and that is my writing.

If anything, writer is like my release valve. When the grappling gets particularly frustrating, and I feel that my sanity is in question, I can always gain some sort of inspiration to channel this frustration into a story. And when I think of the main characters in my stories, like Neville Lansdowne or Magnus Mandalora or Kriffle the Flidderbug, I suppose I could probably categorise them as grapplers too.

So, whether you're happy to go along with the world, no matter how strange it seems to be, or whether you can't stop grappling, just like me, I hope you manage to find some vaguely reasonable answers. As to me, well I suppose I'll just keep on grappling.

1 comment:

  1. When you mentioned the word ‘grappling’ the first image that cropped to my mind is Joseph wresting with the angel. They struggle all night and then in the morning the angel touches Joseph’s hip socket and his hip is put out of joint. Just like that. The angel refuses to tell Joseph his name when asked. And so when I think about us we’re struggling against large corporations like Google and Amazon whose messengers are mostly nameless and faceless and could cripple us without thinking about it if they wanted to and yet we struggle on trying to make a bit of a name for ourselves. And some of us do. Some become Israel. I don’t think I ever will. I don’t have the energy. It’d not a matter of not having energy left. I never had that much to start off with. And yet I’m not quite ready to lie down. Not yet.