Thursday 2 April 2015

This is the worst post I've ever written

Well, it had to happen.

Last week, I reached a high point. I reached the absolute apex of my blogging career, by creating the greatest blog post I've ever written.

I suppose I should have been prepared for this. After such a lot of blogging stupendousness, there was no way I would be able to reach such wonderful heights again. I was kidding myself for even thinking that I could. Unfortunately, in trying to replicate the amazing awesomeness of last week, I'm afraid I've failed miserably.

I'm sad to say that this is the worst post I've ever written.

Just look at it. Nothing shines. Nothing sparkles. The writing is just drab and uninteresting. And even worse, it hasn't even been editted properly. There are a bunch of erors all the way through it.

I feel really sad about this post. I feel like I need to apologise to all my fans (assuming I even have any left after this terrible failure of a post). I want to say that I know I messed up and I'll try a lot harder next time.

But what more can I say about this post? This post is as bad as a...really bad thing. It's as tedious as a...really dull and tedious thing. It's stinks like a...really smelly and pungent thing.

Did you see that. I can't even think of any decent similes to describe this post. Plus, I forgot to put a question mark after the question I just asked. I'm really letting myself and my readers down.

All I can say is that this post is an adolescent warthog chewing licorice flavoured bubble gum of a blog post.

Did I just try to make a metaphor. Did that even vaguely make sense. Did I just forget a whole bunch more of question marks.

I think that this is the end. I think it's time to put this sad excuse for a blog post out of its misery. I'll be back next week (and that's a promise, not a threat) and I'll do my best to try to improve on the dismally poor standard I've set here.

I think we all deserve that.